Friday, October 28, 2011


Go DIE, Tedino's, you big faker.

Your pizza shows up looking all delicious, but it tastes like cardboard. LITERALLY CARDBOARD. Honey, what do you think it tastes like?

Gern: it tastes like cardboard. The cheese has no flavor. I don't know what kind of cheese they're using, but I don't think it came from a cow. Hiccup. My husband has the hiccups.

It really is pasty and gross. My soul hurts from this pizza.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

The Art of Pizza

Our first choice is Art of Pizza in Lakeview. And it should be noted that it wasn't "our" first choice at all. While I was building this blog, my husband, (for the purposes of this blog shall be referred to as "Gern") just made the choice and started dialing. Clearly, this isn't always a democratic process.
if you want democracy, move to another country, like Egypt

Order completed at 7:21 PM. We do the half and half thing. My half is sausage, mushrooms and onions. His half is sausage, green pepper and black olives.

The person was nice on the phone, Gern says. On a scale of 1-10 (by the way, I personally wanted to letter score this whole project) he gave it a 7.
Letter score it? On a 'letter score' scale your communication is a D-

While we're still figuring out how all of this will go, I'll include some other details about our day, which of course, factor into how dinner will go. We took our son to a Children's Museum, where there was no booze. We had a good breakfast, but then no lunch. Currently he's drinking a beer, and I am drinking sauvignon blanc.

I'm going to ask Gern why he chose this place. Umm.. ratings we're good. Googled our zip code, this one had good yelp reviews. Super job, Baby.

The most important thing my pizza must have is properly cooked cheese. If it can easily be separated from the rest of the pizza in one flat chunk, that's not good.

The most important thing Gern's pizza must have is... overall cheese consistency. Can't be soggy anywhere, especially in the middle.

My pizza deal breaker is canned mushrooms. They should die.

Gern's is cheese that slides right off the crust.

We're in the process of how to differentiate what he says from what I say. I think I'll just put him in blue. Blue bold. Ehh... fuck that.Yellow Bold... Easier to read.

Our pizza gets here with free pepsi for some reason. Delivery guy didn't have a pen and was REALLY mad at himself about it. Weird. Looks pretty good. Smells pretty good. I think his side looks a little better than mine.

This pizza can suck a dick. After anything past an initial review, it's evident that it's a lazy, poorly cooked piece of ass pie.

Well, that me be a bit strong for me, but my overall sentiment is absolute disappointment.

The cheese was too thick. the toppings were completely uneven. No care at all. The sauce was ok, as was the crust. All in all, totally disappointing.